What to do about Lionel
by Mellie D
Summary: Clarisse, Joseph, and Lionel.  One of them threatens bodily harm, another one screams, and the third needs to find a new job.  Oh and there is a little bit of humor too! VERY M rated  for what I term, bowchickabowbow.


Insert Normal Disclaimers here – I own nothing but a pack of gum, a can of coke, and a roll of toilet paper.

A/N: very M rated – don't read if you get offended by frustrating sex. Also, this will be my last post for a little while (including the story Moments of Making Love) - real life is calling, and I unfortunately must answer. Which means my muse needs to chill out and just jot her ideas down.

* * *

Joseph was furious. He had finally found some alone time with the Queen and then Lionel had come rushing in to find him. Apparently that boy couldn't even wipe his nose without Joseph's approval. It was bad enough having him underfoot; but to have him barge into the kitchen just as things had started heating up between he and Clarisse, Joseph just couldn't take it anymore. Something had to be done about him.

Two weeks ago, Lionel had made his first appearance at the palace and immediately requested an audience with Her Majesty. Joseph had wanted to grab him by his ears as Lionel had leaned into the Queen declaring that he'd take a bullet for her. Lionel's insolence continued with his laughter at Mia's introduction to Nicholas…Joseph had wanted to take the majordomo's staff and run it through Lionel's mouth.

Joseph had scheduled some alone time with Clarisse that evening; but had been too distracted by Lionel playing with the earpiece and microphone to be good company. Being head of security and having both the Queen and Princess in residence had prevented Joseph from removing his earpiece. Instead, he had to listen to Lionel ask "May I take your order?" and "Would you like fries with that?" three times before he finally left a heated make out to find the wayward child. On any other night, it might have been funny, but not on a night that Clarisse had finally had some time to commit to their relationship. She had just unfastened his belt when Joseph had to extract himself from her embrace to do something about Lionel. As his gaze swept over his partially clothed love, he had to remind himself that it was _only_ an internship that would last until September.

Joseph had barged into Lionel's room, shoved him into a chair, and proceeded to teach him where the mute button was located. He also made it a point to exhibit for him exactly how many guns he carried on him at any point in time. Lionel had profusely apologized by gun number five.

Then there had been the night of choosing a suitable husband for Mia. Clarisse and Joseph had stayed in the room a while longer to continue looking for eligible bachelors that may have been overlooked. By bachelor number 127, Clarisse had removed her jacket and his shirt; by number 148, they were both on the floor with nothing between them but the cord to his earpiece. The Queen had been moments from climax when Joseph heard "Dude, somebody's doing it in the media room! Shades, how do you turn the camera?" Joseph had stopped mid thrust, leaving his love frustrated and in need of release. Joseph knew the security camera angles like the back of his hands and knew that if they stayed were they were; only their feet could be seen.

"Lionel, turn that camera off!" Joseph heard Shades attempting stifle the young man's voyeuristic tendencies.

"But, don't you wanna know who's doing it?" There was a momentary pause in the conversation between Shades and Lionel. Joseph was finally satisfied that the camera was once again in the off position when he heard Lionel grumble. "What's the use in cameras if you can't see anything good?"

Clarisse, unknowing of the conversation that Joseph was hearing, was becoming increasingly frustrated. She raised her legs to pull Joseph closer to her try to coax him to complete what they had started. But after knowing that they could be discovered at any moment by anybody else that was privy to an earpiece; his desire, though only a few moments ago raged like an inferno, now fizzled like a fire doused by water. He had softly whispered his apologies to her and they had left the room aroused and frustrated. She had given him a soft kiss and caress to the cheek and whispered, "It's alright my love. I've been told it happens to all men from time to time." The look of disappointment was clear, but Joseph was either too stunned or too furious to assure her that it wasn't _his_ fault that their encounter had come to an abrupt halt.

Joseph had stormed into the security room and listed all forty-six countries in which he had diplomatic immunity. Lionel had become a nice shade of green by country number thirty-two. Something had to be done about that boy!

This evening in the kitchen, Clarisse and Joseph had been enjoying a nice quiet candle-lit meal. They had shared meaningful glances across the table. They had both had a fair-share of wine. As desert had approached, her stocking-clad foot had located and nurtured his arousal. What that woman could do with her toes was nothing short of amazing. Upon completion of their meal, he had successfully seduced her with kisses and the encounter had heated up to the point where he lifted her up to the kitchen counter. He then proceeded to nuzzle her breasts and give the same attention to her with his fingers that she had given to him with her toes. He had just slipped his fingers into her damp curls as Lionel had barged in looking for him. Joseph had quickly disengaged himself from her, as she quickly moved off of the counter onto shaky legs. She leaned heavily on the counter for support and Joseph's mind raced for a quick diversion. He blindly reached into the cabinet and grabbed the first thing his fingers touched. It was a fire extinguisher. His mind raced frantically and he began teaching her the importance of extinguishing fires immediately; all the time finding it ironic that Lionel had extinguished his fire for this woman on more than one occasion.

Two days later, Lionel was given a lecture on the various ways that Joseph knew how to torture people to get them to talk. At method number fifty-two, Lionel was seriously rethinking his career in the Security Agency.

For two weeks, Joseph and the Queen had become increasingly frustrated at missed opportunities, false starts, and the lack of private time. Although they had been frequently interrupted in their interludes before Lionel joined the staff, this was worse due to the two weeks of abstinence with Joseph's trip to the United States. On the way back to the palace from a meeting, they finally found themselves alone. Shades was driving and Joseph and Clarisse were in the rear of the limo. Joseph looked at her, and then pressed the button over her head to grant them the one thing that had been painfully absent the past few weeks: privacy. His lips pressed against hers hungrily as their compartment became soundproof. She groaned her approval as his hands made quick work of her skirt and panties. There was no time for tenderness or foreplay, only the satisfaction of the carnal lust that had been simmering for thirty-three days.

She unfastened his belt and pushed his pants and boxers out of the way, both just far enough to satisfy their need. Clarisse lay back on the seat and pulled Joseph on top of her. Her hands clutched him closer to her, the need to feel his weight against her infusing her senses. He kissed her savagely as his fingers made their way to where she was warmest. He began stroking her, preparing her for their soon to be quick joining. She groaned her approval at his penetration and nipped at his ear as he added another finger to her depths. She hooked her legs around him, signaling her readiness. With one last loving caress, he removed his hand and gripped the back of the seat for leverage as he plunged into her. She stifled her scream of ecstasy by biting his jacket-clad shoulder.

He pulled her hard against him and she groaned her approval. He began a furious rhythm, which she matched by pushing against the opposite door and propelling herself onto him. After two weeks of failed attempts, there was nothing romantic about this joining. It was pure, basal lust that drove them on. He felt her vice-like grip on his positioning member; she had reached her climax. He pulled her legs higher around him, which drove him deeper into her. Through the haze of her climax, her rhythm didn't falter. If anything, she was pushing herself harder against him and using her legs to give him added thrust. Joseph couldn't take it anymore. He drove into her like a man possessed. Suddenly, he stiffened as he found his release. Riding on the waves of her first climax, she shouted as he brought her to release again

A voice in his head announced, "The Queen is coming; the Queen is coming." He couldn't have agreed more – the Queen was, indeed, coming." It took him five minutes to realize that it had been Lionel announcing their arrival at the palace and not his ego being thrilled at finally giving her relief.

* * *

Clarisse couldn't believe that Mia had actually left what had been a successful public appearance…dripping wet. Leave it to her granddaughter to make a quiet afternoon adventuresome. Clarisse had had enough: Enough of the guests; enough of Mia's antics; and enough of Lionel's constant announcement of who was leaving the party and who was arriving. She turned to make her exit and was greeted by his loud shout "Eagle is leaving! Eagle is leaving!"

She patted his shoulder. "In hushed tones, Lionel, _hushed_ tones."

Joseph greeted her at the entrance to the palace with a broad grin on his face. "Is there something you wish to tell me?" She asked.

"Well, my dear, I think I've finally thought of a position for Lionel." She looked at him questioningly. He continued, "And it's the perfect distance from the palace. The position of Majordomo to the Emperor of China."

Clarisse smiled, she couldn't agree more. But she did wonder – would they still be able to hear him in Genovia all the way from China?!!


End file.
